Identity Crisis
Last week, I attended my cousin’s wedding in Vietnam. I embarked on a 60-hour return trip, only to spend three days on land. This was only feasible because I traveled without my young kids. Suddenly, I found myself as that person traveling solo with only carry-on luggage, reminiscent of my student days, when I did the same to save money on trips. Not having to take care of any small humans for a few days, I felt like a whole different person. The truth is, I wasn’t an entirely different person. I was still very much me but stepping into one of my many other identities. This experience got me contemplating the challenges my coaching clients face with their identity crises.
Most of my clients are currently undergoing a life or career transition, and many of them grapple with some form of identity crisis. Losing a job, an ability, a loved one can be devastating and leave you feel disorienting. The misleading and restricting definition of who you are might be the reason for additional suffering. Recently, I spoke to someone laid off after 15 years at Google, where she essentially grew up. How can you not experience an identity crisis, one might wonder?
It begins with having a different perspective about what identity actually is. So let’s talk about Identity.
It’s not an unchangeable destiny, nor a defining label—it's the result of a random collection of experiences.
According to Dr. Shankar, a former White House advisor, our lack of a complete understanding of who we are is due to the random set of experiences we encounter. When we undergo significant life and career changes, we tend to change as well, but frequently overlook this aspect when evaluating ourselves. Concentrating on finding the way back to your old self often leads to unnecessary distress.
So, if you’re facing a major life shift and feeling lost, remember this: deep down, you’re still you. What defines you isn’t external circumstances; it’s the decisions you make and the thoughts you have. Embrace the power you hold to shape who you want to be, despite the external changes. And remember, you have multiple known and unknown identities at any given point. Be curious about yourself and allow new experiences to come into your life.
